As he looked out of the windows of his dark, dingy lab, looking at the fallen snow, Dr. Bio couldn’t wait for the day to be over. He took another glance at his post docs and students in the lab and wondered how they could stand the small university environment. Some had forlorn looks while others were oblivious of the mediocrity in the third rate lab conducting fourth rate research on chicken enzymes. Dr. Bio wondered if they had an escape mechanism from the depressing environment.

Someone opened a window a crack to look at the parking lot and the lab suddenly filled with traffic noises and police car sirens from the industrial Brooklyn neighborhood. The sudden gush of cool air made Dr. Bio shiver as the window was closed again, resuming the normal whining of the lab equipment. Looking at the screen, Dr. Bio sighed. “Another ordinary experiment that failed,” he said to himself, “How, oh how will I ever get that tenure so they can’t fire my ass?” as he sighed. With heavy feet, he walked to his depressing little office. Its smallness vividly carving his status on the pecking order at the university. Those bastards at Cornell and Yale have such big offices! Another sigh reverberated through the office filled with useless papers gathering dust on the dreams of Dr. Bio and weighing those dreams down. Dr. Bio silently cursed at his secretary, something he could never do aloud, fearing that she would physically hurt him. “Only if that bitch was on chat – then I’d show her!” – a thought that brought a slight smile to Dr. Bio’s depressed disposition.

It wasn’t always this way. Growing up as a young boy, Dr. Bio had dreams of going to medical school at Yale or Johns Hopkins, working on medical breakthroughs. He always fantasized about adoration of colleagues, medical students and eminent scientists. Perhaps a trip or two to the White House, a big office, a supermodel wife with a penthouse in New York. All that was behind him now. Like beautiful fallen leaves being swept by a wind gust in autumn, his feet were on cold concrete. Painfully aware of the reality of the dead end research he had to conduct to satisfy the needs of a nagging old shrew at home. Being afraid of women was a character trait that he despised himself for yet could never muster enough courage to confront it in real life. As daylight came to an end and he put on his winter coat with frayed cuffs. Walking towards his practical sedan made for wimpy men, a cold chill ran up his spine as he pondered the boring banality of his mundane routine and his utter powerlessness to change any part of it. The powerlessness emphatically drilled down into him by a macho SUV that rudely cut him off just as he was easing into traffic.

Arriving home, he pretended to hug his wife and tried to ignore her complaining as he set the table. Chewing the tasteless food made his pathetic life even more vivid and he mumbled curses as he gulped down several glasses of wine. As the warmth from the alcohol flowed through his veins, his right upper eyelid started twitching and an evil smirk appeared on his face. His wife didn’t notice the hardening lines of his jaw and after yelling at Dr. Bio to clean the table, she went to watch TV. Quickly putting on black jeans and a black T-shirt, Dr. Bio roared to himself, “Now I’m Mr. Hyde” as he chewed the end of a cigar and logged on to Professors’ Chat.

He felt like a man possessed with supernatural powers as he started barking insults at women. He joined in with Lady Madbot in her cannabis-induced rants to go after men who made him feel inferior. Switching from wine to macho Tequila, he felt omnipotent. Lashing out at the Phantom of Greyeyes and Hunchback of Monero he was happy. He belonged here. No woman or man could belittle him. His being a junior faculty doing insignificant research in a mediocre university was a distant memory. He didn’t have to be afraid of women anymore. The chat women were for his pleasure. He could make shameless advances at them. He could threaten them. He could manipulate them. He could be crass, lewd and lascivious all he wanted. He was no longer Dr. Bio. He was, now, Mr. Hyde.

            Chapter 1: Boss’s new day

One fine day Boss, being his own tile making boss, was doing his daily walk to the Sip-N-Go to get his lunch and attempt to pick up gas station women and men at the restrooms.  Even though he did this everyday, this was no ordinary day, today his life would be changed. Boss would find a new mission in his life, his life would now have purpose.

 On his daily walk this day, Boss was feeling extraordinarily like his own Boss as he had worn his special 3 wolves howling at the moon t-shirt.  A dark green 2010 jaguar pulled up beside him.  A handsome well dressed stallion of a man cracked the window at him at a stoplight.  The devilishly young attractive man whispered one sentence “ I will take down BPE, professor’s 1 chat, and then books and lit 2”  The jaguar car pulled away and all Boss noticed is the name on the license plate.  It said Joey. 

Boss decided to forgo his attempt to pick up men and women at the Sip-N-Go restrooms, even though he had worn his 3 wolves howling at the moon shirt, a special shirt for him indeed.  He had to get back to the half-way house and log onto the group-room computer.  He must tell all about the extravagant well spoken handsome man named Joey.  He will tell all of chat, and he decided he will tell them all, even if they won’t listen, he will remind them.  He knew nothing else to talk of in chat other than  Joey.  Boss also considered himself to be much smarter than the numerous professors with PhD’s and the highly educated MD’s.  Boss sitting on the pee-stained sofa in his half-way house knew he was smarter than all of them.

Chapter 2: The end of chat is near!

            Much to Boss’ surprise, the group-home computer wasn’t working.  It was evident to him that the keyboard malfunctioned once again.  Boss knew all to well about  how the group home wrecked keyboards, since he himself, with the other male residents, release evil fluids together with them from time to time.

            Boss decided he must take his newly acquired knowledge of Joey to the street.  “Wait!” Boss said to himself and thought of something even better.  He will take his mission of telling the world about Joey all the way to Yahoo Headquarters! Yes, that is what Boss must do! “Onto Yahoo Headquarters!” he mumbled while his mouth was full during one of his lunch time exchanges in the male restroom at the Sip-N-Go.

            Boss started packing up his things in a plastic Sip-N-Go bag.  He did have some money from donations he got from his Sip-N-Go restroom activities.  He touched his lip sores to remind him of other things he had gotten in the Sip-N-Go restroom.  He didn’t have enough money for a bus, so he will walk.  As he walked, he will tell all he encounters about the mysterious stranger named Joey and what Joey whispered to him. He left the group home and headed out towards the main strip.  On to “Yahoo Headquarters!” he yelled.

Chapter 3: Boss meets an intelligent crimson biologist

            The first man he saw was a tiny man with a big angry voice.  He was yelling on the street corner.  This didn’t interest Boss much, but then Boss, thinking of how smart he was, decided to approach this yelling angry little man.  Maybe this man could help him get the word out about Joey.  As Boss got closer to him, he heard what he was yelling:.

  “ Abortion is wrong.  I will kill you if you have an abortion.  I have guns to shoot trees with.  I shot that tree because it had an abortion and didn’t believe in God!”

 “God only talks to me, I am so wise of a biologist and in the army and am almost dying that God has to talk to me and I am dead but God tells me things”

“Vaccines are tools of the devil!! Guns are God’s playthings! Bad parents are the best parents for a kid, God told me all of this!”

“Nancy Pelosi is going to get me because I know too much.  God told me people shouldn’t have heath care and Obama is the antichrist, God talks to me everyday about such things…health care and vaccines are signs of the rapture”  

“God hates the Great and brilliant Dr. Vince!, God told me to warn everyone about Dr. Vince!”

“ I am an intelligent biologist, God appointed me to abort trees and milk bobcats”

“ I am the crimson bobcat milker!!”

 This little yelling man struck Boss as peculiar.  Boss noticed the 10 empty bottles of Ripple and Mad Dog 20/20 behind his street corner lamp post, and figured what god this angry man talked to.  When Boss got closer, he noticed the first thing that he and the man shared, those pesky lip sores. 

Boss also noticed how this guy liked to tell random strangers he will kill them and find them at their home and kill them.  Boss, not a shy social wall-flower decided to greet him.  Just as Boss was going to say hello, the crazy man went even more crazy, yelling louder and louder!.  He was bouncing up and down on the street corner screaming

“Dr. Vince I will get you, me and my bobcats are sent from God to get you!!”  Boss noticed while the angry man was repeating this over and over, a dark, dashing, expensively well dressed impressive stranger walked by and put $5.00 in the angry man’s Styrofoam cup  As the amazing looking stranger did this, the angry man was screaming at the top of his lungs ““Dr. Vince I will get you, me and my bobcats are sent from God to get you!!” 

Boss assumed this exquisite stranger could only be Dr. Vince.  Dr. Vince said to him “Crimson, please stop drinking you are hurting yourself.  And you should get those sores checked out”  The beautiful strapping stranger named Dr. Vince walked past Boss and nodded hello.  Boss, in his brilliance and his own amazing intelligence thought that Dr. Vince must be a “hearts and minds” doctor. 

Boss decided talking to crimson biologist would do much good.  He did mutter to himself that he will find someone else to tell about Joey.  Crimson biologist heard the name Joey and stopped from his ranting.  Crimson biologist said he will go with Boss to Yahoo headquarters and tell all of Joey with Boss and also tell everyone about his conversations with God.

Chapter 4: Boss meets a grey-eyed Borat—Coming soon!

Chapter 1: Boss’s new day

One fine day Boss, being his own tile making boss, was doing his daily walk to the Sip-N-Go to get his lunch and attempt to pick up gas station women and men at the restrooms.  Even though he did this everyday, this was no ordinary day, today his life would be changed. Boss would find a new mission in his life, his life would now have purpose.

 On his daily walk this day, Boss was feeling extraordinarily like his own Boss as he had worn his special 3 wolves howling at the moon t-shirt.  A dark green 2010 jaguar pulled up beside him.  A handsome well dressed stallion of a man cracked the window at him at a stoplight.  The devilishly young attractive man whispered one sentence “ I will take down BPE, professor’s 1 chat, and then books and lit 2”  The jaguar car pulled away and all Boss noticed is the name on the license plate.  It said Joey. 

Boss decided to forgo his attempt to pick up men and women at the Sip-N-Go restrooms, even though he had worn his 3 wolves howling at the moon shirt, a special shirt for him indeed.  He had to get back to the half-way house and log onto the group-room computer.  He must tell all about the extravagant well spoken handsome man named Joey.  He will tell all of chat, and he decided he will tell them all, even if they won’t listen, he will remind them.  He knew nothing else to talk of in chat other than  Joey.  Boss also considered himself to be much smarter than the numerous professors with PhD’s and the highly educated MD’s.  Boss sitting on the pee-stained sofa in his half-way house knew he was smarter than all of them.

Chapter 2 : The end of chat is near!  Is coming soon

It was a dark and rainy night. I had lost my way and become separated from the Westminster Annual possum hunt. I could no longer hear the baying of Lord Botanica's pedigreed possum hounds; then again Lady Botanica had earlier opened fire on our entire hunt party, hounds, horses and they all might coulda all just been kilt daid. Anything was possible with the Castle Botanica as it was rumored they had acquired their titles in a poker game.

I was merely a young governess, and innocent of the debauchery, treachery and madness rampant amongst the denizens of prof chat. Yet I had heard that the Prof Chat Inn was the only sanctuary in this neck of the woods and in the darkness of night followed the yellow-brick road lit with neon signs that said 'BUDWEISER Prof Chat Inn Over Yonder'. Weeping, frightened and hungry, I stumbled into the Prof Chat Inn (PCI).

A loud argument was raging throughout the PCI and I was only noticed by a few quiet souls on the edge of the melee. These kind people offered me beer, pretzels and popcorn and a warm greeting, although several tried to grab my ass. However, as a newcomer and a helpless woman, the perverted attentions of the limply priapic, ranting, inebriate men soon were cast upon me. I was pm'd by dozens of them, each boasting of his intelligence, sexuall prowess, his moral superiority and all that shit. I returned to what I thought was the relative safety of the main room 'cause my momma always told me don't get yourself in a lone  place with a man.

To my surprise and horror, there stood the screaming mad woman from the castle Botanica. She accused me of unspeakable things..well she was accusing everybody of unspeakable acts so I ignored her. There were some older ladies gossiping while they stitched clever sayings into a huge foofoo quilt (6,000 count thread quilt) yet when I helpfully pointed out the mispelt words, geographic inaccuracies and other dumbshit on their quilt I was cruelly ostrichisized. Ostrasized. Whatever.

'What madhouse is this?' I wondered...for despite claiming to be among the intellectually elite some of these PCI regulars were...well...butt-stupid. And crazier than fruitbats. I was weeping and disconsolate when a deep voice said 'Weep not my child. I am Lord Vincent, but you can also call me God, the Supreme-Being or the Master of the Universe.".... I am the most intelligent, amiable, modest and wealthiest chatter here, did I mention my modesty? " Anyway, this Lord Vincent gave me his hankie to dry my tears, let me blow my nose on the sleeve of his Armani coat, and gave me a doubleshot of cognac  to warm up. He was polite enough too not to stare at my boobage when he helped me remove my sodden cloak 'cause my hunting pink tank-top and shorts was all wet.

The evil madwoman from the castle Botanica seethed with jealous rage, and in a fury threw two large jars of pickled moose at Lord Vincent and me. We ducked and the jars of pickled moose crashed into the fireplace which was all barfed up 'cause it hadn't been architected by an engineer from Denmark and burst into flames! Quickly, the quiet friendly people pulled me and Lord Vince from the raging inferno and saved me from being kilt! "We are the Friends of Vince Association" they explained. "You are welcome to join us for a free membership trial and you'll get a plastic Vince doll, and a Vince bumpersticker". They were very friendly and a couple of the fellas were pretty fine. So it was cool. In fact, several of these fellas seemed really fine and maybe even had some $$$. Expeshually the Dutch engineer guy. He had cool socks. When I had composed myself and my heaving bosom from the terror, I looked around at the fellas, wondering if any had daddies with over 1,000 acres of tobacco planted. Hmmm....YET despite the abundance of single guys...there was EVIL!! the madwoman from the castle Botanica had perversities unknown to an innocent like me and had, for dark reasons known only to herself, singled me out. Me! A helpless maiden that hadn't never even got no tattoo. I swear she never sent me that photo that I never showed to nobody else!

How could I escape the clutches of the madwoman, the cruelty of the 600000 thread quilting harpies, and the pervy guys?............And was Lord Vincent truly what he claimed???......